Item — HN Reader

Beauty is not a sufficient basis for a happy marriage.

But every happy marriage is founded on that each finds the other beautiful.

If you at least get the foundation of the system "beautiful", when the abstractions start to leak, as they invariably will, you can manage them to a much greater extent. You're right about not expecting the simplicity and elegance to remain, but there's a huge difference in manageability toward the end of each system's life. Get the foundation right; the house will follow.

1 comments

But every happy marriage is founded on that each finds the other beautiful.

Really? That doesn't accord with my experience, or any actual research that I've read. The conclusion of the research that I've read is that appearance generally matters more to men, and less to women. And anecdotal experience suggests that the initial infatuation fades in perhaps 7 years or so, and after that looks don't help that much.

Not that you're likely to believe me. After all I've only been married 20 years, so what could I know?

I think you misunderstood that sentence. Beauty doesn't necessarily mean appearance, especially for aphorisms and poetry. If you're marrying someone because they're kind and caring, that's the thing about them that you're finding beautiful.

And this confusion only goes to prove the original point, about beauty being illdefined.

Beauty lies not only in looks. Why did you take it that way?

Good, if beauty is not important, tell your partner you don't find him/her beautiful anymore.

I think his/her reaction will disabuse you of that notion.

Way ahead of you.

I told my girlfriend that I didn't get together with her for her looks yet she married me anyways. That was 20 years ago and we're still married.