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Bit of a hysterical rant ✓

Written in the over-defensive Apple-fanboi style ✓

Tells me nothing I didn't know ✓

There's nothing wrong with checklists, it's just information, unless you have some weird compulsion to claim that the one with the most, or the fewest, is in some way superior. That's the dysfunction.

This does happen in committee-driven enterprise software design and purchasing and is I think a genuine problem. Gadget blogs summarising useful information about products (does it have a CD drive yes/no) isn't a problem unless you've taken it as some kind of direct insult to your lifestyle choices because you bought the one that did, or didn't, have that feature.

Removing the checklists is not going to magically stop geeks fighting over pointless tech choices, they are just a tool that is too often used as a weapon.

I agree.

However, I do think that when there are long lists of comparable features between very comparable systems (intravendor rather than intervendor, I guess) I do wish they would do something to typographically offset the things that are different.

Compare variations of Thinkpads and they are often VERY similar. What are just the important differences? Etc.

The antidote: the wholism / reductionism section of Goedel Escher Bach.
Good article. One of my biggest bugbears is seeing people make laptop feature comparisons that miss off weight, dimensions, and battery life - three things that are critically important to me.
I agree. But you seem to forget usability, style, safety (as opposed to security) and a few of other parameters that are actually key to the overall experience. Much more so than the inclusion of a digital fingerprint reader, for example.
Usability, style and safety do not belong in a checklist because there's no simple yes/no or appropriate numerical figure, which is why only one of the example tables in the article is even vaguely realistic. This does not mean they should not be considered in purchasing decisions, just that they're complex to evaluate and compare.

Not listing dimensions and weight is ridiculous, or would be if I'd ever seen a comparison that didn't include these basics.

I agree with you. I was pointing that out, regarding the title of the article, "Feature checklist dysfunction". Basically I'm critical of the very system of "checklists" for products or as a mean of comparing products.
I agree. I remember a few years ago getting a laptop (Lenovo x61) almost solely based on weight and size.

Why? Physical dimensions are the only thing that don't become obsolete. Small and portable is forever.