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Having lived here a decade, I consider it my home. While I’ll never be considered Japanese, I do find acceptance in society here.

Japanese society classifies people as insiders or outsiders. The key I’ve found is to become active in some community where you can become an insider. For instance, I’ve been active in the Japanese Ruby community where I’ve found acceptance.

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Also moved here 10 years ago (though spent 2 years in the UK in the middle). I'm married to a Japanese woman and her family accepts me completely. My mother in law refers to me as her son and introduces me that way to people who don't know me. Some people are surprised, but people treat me exactly the same way they treat everybody else.

In my neighbourhood, I know pretty much everybody (mainly because I work from home and go for many walks). People call out to chat with me and I'm involved with community groups, etc. One time one of the young girls in the neighbourhood had a friend over and the friend said "Hello" to me in English. The girl said, "Don't bother. He's Japanese." She had no idea that I was Canadian.

The inside/outside issue is really the key. Everybody is an outsider in some context. Understanding your place and whether or not you are inside or outside is critical. If you want to be inside, you also need to follow the inside rules -- even if you don't agree with them. In my experience, this is where people get into troubles. If you say, "Hey, I don't agree with that, I don't want to do it" the response is universally, "OK. There is absolutely no problem with that. You are outside."

In short, there is no problem getting inside, but you actually need to want to be inside -- not one foot in and one foot out. If you want to be accepted as Japanese, then you have to be Japanese. Most immigrants do not actually want this for some reason.

>The inside/outside issue is really the key. Everybody is an outsider in some context. Understanding your place and whether or not you are inside or outside is critical. If you want to be inside, you also need to follow the inside rules -- even if you don't agree with them. In my experience, this is where people get into troubles. If you say, "Hey, I don't agree with that, I don't want to do it" the response is universally, "OK. There is absolutely no problem with that. You are outside."

>In short, there is no problem getting inside, but you actually need to want to be inside -- not one foot in and one foot out. If you want to be accepted as Japanese, then you have to be Japanese. Most immigrants do not actually want this for some reason.

This is interesting, as it contrasts with the fact that I can disagree with the majority about how things should be done in my own country (and act accordingly) without risking the insider status.

Yeah, I think that's a really apt description of the culture clash that happens. If you go into it with that expectation, you'll get absolutely steam rolled. I mean, you can still disagree, but you have to pick and choose your venues for talking about it. It's quite a famous saying that Japanese people have 3 faces: one that you present to the general public, one that you present to your friends and family and one that you keep completely to yourself. If you can't/won't do that then you will never fit in. It's worth noting that there are some Japanese people who have difficulty and they also don't fit in.

One thing I should point out is that "inside/outside" is always relative. It's not like people classify you as being Japanese/not Japanese most of the time. If you work for a company, then you are "inside" in the company -- as long as you follow the rules: going to drinking parties, showing up on time in the morning, dressing properly, staying late, etc, etc. You are also "inside" in your family -- again as long as you follow the rules: showing up for important events like Obon, Shougatsu, etc; paying deference to the head of the family; etc, etc. You are also "inside" in your community -- again rules: paying the "community fee", sorting your garbage properly, doing your turn at cleaning the community, participating in the community festival, etc, etc.

So when people see me, they don't see "Foreigner Mike"; they see Mike who works at blah, is in blah family, lives in blah community, is a member of blah sports club, is a regular at blah izakaya... and tangentially -- came originally from Canada. But a lot of foreigners don't really understand that: they have a contract position at some company, don't become a fixture in that company, don't have a family, don't get involved in the community (and especially actively avoid paying fees, or volunteering, etc) -- so the only thing left is "Foreigner Joe".

Man, this was a real breath-of-fresh-air. As someone who has had a pet dream of moving to Japan, and has this very thing as their primary fear, I feel relieved every time I hear something like this from someone of foreign origin, living in Japan.

Compared to many places in the world, Japan is a relatively easy place to migrate to. Having a university degree makes a massive difference, so if you are serious about it, then I recommend that. Also, if you are young, one area that I think often gets overlooked is that if you have a master's degree, you can get an instructor's visa and teach at college level. If you are under 40 and from an eligible country, I also highly recommend the JET programme, which is the programme I initially came in on. It's a government programme and is an incredibly soft landing into Japan -- visa get's sorted for you, you can bring your spouse, you can stay for up to 5 years -- which, if you are diligent is just enough time to learn a decent amount of Japanese, you are set up with a subsidised, furnished apartment with all the utilities hooked up, you aren't expected to be able to speak much Japanese, etc. But there are many other ways to come to Japan and probably it's more difficult to sort out leaving your home country than it is to actually find a way to work in Japan.

The biggest thing I will caution you is that most people who come here with expectations of what it's going to be like have a bit of a rude awakening. In Japanese culture if you are hammering a nail and it doesn't go in, you hit it harder. If it still doesn't go in, you hit it even harder. If it still doesn't go in, you pull it up and throw it away. This is one of the reasons why you see posts like the OP's.

I have found that people who come from countries with a strong cultural and moral background have a very difficult time in Japan. Japan also has a strong cultural and moral background -- but the culture and morals are different. You may find yourself in the situation where you are thinking, "I'm supposed to do X. X is morally wrong. I refuse to do X." -- and, well, at that point you are kind of screwed. If you have a more relativistic view of morals then it is much easier. Personally I have had to change my attitude from being "This way or no way at all" to constantly thinking, "What action on my part is likely to be successful in this circumstance". I don't give up my morals, but I act/refrain from acting in such a way as to be compatible with my surroundings. A lot of times that ends up with me keeping my mouth shut for a very long time, just waiting for the correct opportunity.

If you understand that you must adapt to Japan and that Japan will not adapt to you, then you will be fine. Either you will find that you can adapt and will have very few problems, or you will decide that Japanese culture is not your cup of tea. Resist the temptation to slam yourself up against the brick wall that is Japan. It hurts a lot.

Thanks for taking the time to reply to my short post at length. I actually came back this Sunday afternoon to just read your post again because I was having a tough day of Japan-centric wanderlust.

I've been preparing, mentally and otherwise, for an eventual move to Japan for over 10 years (with some breaks in-between as I was navigating the troughs of disillusionment).

- Visited Japan last year to make sure it wasn't a false dream. Had some disappointments but the larger goal hasn't been trashed.

- University degree in IT. Open to doing a Master's sometime soon.

- Emmigrated once already. So I know that I can adapt to a non-native culture.

- I will be a citizen of a country which does allow me to pursue the JET program. However, I really don't imagine enjoying life as an English teacher. I've looked into employment at the startups in Fukuoka as a more probable alternative. Perhaps even starting with a sabbatical year of Japanese language studies.

- Japanese; learning slowly but on a daily basis. Could prove competency upto JLPT4 within a couple of months of dedicated study.

- I can't speak for national identities having a hand in citizens having a strong moral compass but in my personal life - I subscribe to the philosophy that everything cultural and political is relative to the culture or society espousing those values.

Again, it's great to hear from ordinary people living good lives in Japan as foreigners. I don't expect that usually from HackerNews and my usual haunt i.e. r/Japan is a cesspool of misery and hate.