How Schopenhauer’s thought can illuminate a midlife crisis

I get a perverse pleasure out of setting my GPS destination far in the opposite direction of where I'm actually driving, so it constantly tries to talk me into turning around every exit, just so I can enjoy the simple pleasure of not doing what it tells me to do.

The playful mode seems to be characterized partly by open-ended exploration, and partly by lack of any definition of a 'correct result'.

When we lose the habit of entering the playful mode, it's in favor of another mode which carries out optimization processes on some desired goal state; you lose the 'absence of correct result definition' because there is a definitely some particular result you're looking for; likewise your exploration tends to be highly constrained and goal-directed.

A lot of distillation of Eastern ideas (primarily Buddhist and Taoist ideas) surrounding meditation focus on this distinction between 'modes'. The practice of meditation itself can help to let go of the driven/goal-oriented mind state, but a perhaps bigger part is taking earnest personal account of which things you really need in order to be content. The more things you're able to say you can do without, the fewer reasons you have to stay in the driven, non-playful mind state. (This is not to say you can't have goals: it's just a different way of dealing with them. The recommendation is to not set them up in such a way that things are not 'okay' until they are met.)

Actually, there was benefit and reward for the kid shaking the sign.

The kid is trying out some things, learning about the world. Answering questions about the world such as: How strong and stable is this sign? Can I shake it like a tree branch? What sound will the shaking make? How strong am I? Am I strong enough to move this sign, even a little?

You likely have a good estimate of your own strength, and the how well the sign is installed, so you don't feel much need to shake it and learn its and your own limits.

I still do similar things. I tend to tap / rap with my knuckles things like steel stair railings. Some of them can make interesting and long-lasting notes, while with others the best you can get is a dull "thud".

(I still do things like that when they aren’t potentially alarming)

It's worth noting with near 100% certainty that aggressively shaking a stop sign is illegal in probably all jurisdictions. Especially if it looks like it is shaking uncontrollably. Now I'm not getting mad at the kid, but there is a very good reason your adult brain doesn't automatically think about shaking that sign (and then commanding your body to go do it).

The kid, if faced with a police officer after the event, will of course get off free. They didn't really do any damage. But adults know that shaking that sign so hard could cause real, expensive damage, and that aggressively attacking public safety infrastructure is a bad idea.

It's a good thing that your brain knows about the sign. The kid is learning about the sign for the first time maybe, but you know about it. You know what it is and the value of a human life that it might save if it is not ripped down and requiring repairs.

One may argue that playfulness fosters creativity that eventually helps us fulfill other responsibilities better (e.g. create a more innovative startup, be a more playful parent). This is the classic trade off between exploration and exploitation. We tend to explore early on, then exploit the gained knowledge later.

I still think that way, sometimes, it's just I don't like drawing attention to myself. But other times, I just say "screw it". On Saturday I was the only adult joining their kids on the indoor waterslide. And it was a great slide and I loved it.

I don't think we're incapable of conceiving it, I think this is very much cultural.

While we should avoid "playfulness" that comes at the expense of the greater good, like kicking a garbage over, or other kind of destructive play. I think its possible for adults to "play", but we'd need to change our culture to allow it.

I'd say a big part of playfulness is about engaging with others in a trustful and open manner. Something I feel our culture makes quite difficult. Going dancing for example is a good form of playfulness, yet is culturally a source of anxiety for most of the western world. To play with other adults makes most of us anxious, how messed up is that!?!

Similarly, to learn and explore as an adult is a source of anxiety, because our culture does not allow adults to be novice at something without judging or ridiculing. As an adult, you feel ashamed to start learning something new from scratch, that's why most people who learn things from scratch as adults do it with activities where they can learn it in secret, by themselves.

Lastly, time is a problem. We've given up our play time as adults, our culture is designed this way. We don't value time to play, we value making more money. People want to be rich, not play more.

I think this is all just cultural, as from where I'm from, these norms are not as strong as where I live now. Where I'm from I know of many more adults who's idea of a perfect life is to just live in a modest house, singing, dancing, playing music, chatting over dinner with good friends and family. To have time for your hobbies, and to just be able to relax and appreciate the passing of time.

Something I want my kids to never forget as they grow up - don't stop being a kid.

Exploration vs exploitation

i wholeheartedly disagree - you simply fall out of the habit of it. when i was in college i had a lot of sleepless nights and i wandered around campus "pulling on doorknobs". yes sometimes i got into places that i shouldn't have been but that's besides the point: i got back into the habit of touching things and experimenting. this was almost a decade ago now and i still pull on doorknobs, kick sign posts, peak through construction site barriers (nyc is perfect for this because every construction site fence has portholes). really of course the problem is obvious: people that don't think it's cute/funny/interesting are really put off by it (social pressure). young kids have less of that mediating their experience of their world (that's the key)

In VR games, I have found that childlike feeling again. I wander around trying to touch everything, if there is anything I can pick up, I will likely do childish things with, including seeing how far I can throw it or what I can hit with it. I often do some mini-roleplays by performing actions that aren’t strictly required by the game and serve no real purpose. And sometimes I just try to break shit sticking my head and body into places it didn’t belong.

And then you have social games like VRChat that feels like you’re playing amongst a bunch of rowdy immature children, sometimes because the people actually are a bunch of children!

Start seeing a therapist, changed my life

> stereotypical "western" goal-oriented notions of success or happiness

is probably more "American" than "western". Look at the laissez-faire life of the French, Spanish or Italians and the typical German surely doesn't thrive for success but for a stable, comfortable life.

That goal-hunting and search for exceptionalism is certainly spreading in the world but I would think that the American culture is maybe the only one where it is really rooted.

I suspect there is a notion of "things ought to be a certain/right way" in your view of things. I feel this defense is often used to justify to oneself why one hasn't engaged in something/the world. Said another way, it is safer to think things should work a certain way instead of risking for oneself to find out. It's never too late to find out directly.

Oh come on. You know what they mean, you're being deliberately obtuse in order to characterize someone else as ignorant. Which only reflects badly on you.

That old cliche may be trite and simplistic, but it's making a simple point that sometimes needs to be made; money won't solve all of your problems.

Of course it does solve a lot of really bad problems, so it's also a bit of a myopic view.

I don't necessarily subscribe to his beliefs or world view, but I found them quite interesting. I particularly enjoyed the later stages of the book that discussed pessimism, suicide, why suicide is not the correct answer to pretty much any problem, and other such "dark" themes. Anyone can write the "happy path" of philosophy, so to speak, but Schopenhauer clearly trod a more melancholy path.