Item — HN Reader

I also particularly enjoy the "Germanic Stare Down"[0] culture; being free to look at anyone and in the eyes without that being considered hostile is something I consider healthy as well. Compared to other places where lack of eye contact can make you feel isolated and alone, a pair of eyes and a smile in the street can bring a sense of belonging.

[0]: https://www.spiegel.de/international/the-germanic-stare-down...

2 comments

The friendliness of a pair of eyes depends quite a bit on the context. This culture seems quite potent in (German-speaking) Switzerland as well, but at least as a visible minority I seem to experience far more less-than-kind stares that wouldn't be acceptable in the US or the UK, for instance. Giving people license to stare can certainly make others feel like they don't belong when it's indiscriminately applied.

I'm visibly not German as well, so I understand what you are saying. Though, I believe it is better than non-looking cultures, because now that they are looking I have the chance to portray the image of who I am, which is a non-hostile, open and warm person that I believe to be, and most of the time this non-verbal communication is picked up by the person staring and I get an attitude shift that corresponds to my attitude. If you immediately feel threatened by the stare, that will be displayed on you, and that will make others look at you even more cautiously. It is not the staring the problem, it is the solution. It is a body language and it can be used collectively for acknowledging who is fit and who is not for the community and also a non-violent ostracization when that one feels so uncomfortable that flees. In a non-staring culture, people never get a chance to read you, they simply glimpse and then immediately make a judgement based on their own presuppositions and then treat you as such. Not in Germany, they will stare until they understand.

They are probably trying to figure out where you are from. As an American with Norman and Germanic ancestry I get stared at periodically when shopping, and I think they are trying to figure out what is off about me. I definitely do not perceive it as friendly or welcoming in any way. What is unique about the Germanic stare down is there is no effort made on the part of the starer to avert their gaze or even acknowledge that they are staring. Walking towards the starer usually encourages them to turn away.

People will always try to figure you out. But with the German stare this communication is enhanced, you get feedback on their feelings for you and you can respond to that with your attitude. In other cultures, they make a judgement and there is nothing more to be done, they close down. In Germany this channel of communication and feedback stays open and works, in my experience, collectively. Once you develop an attitude that works that stops the ugly stares in the grocery, then stares become less threatening in general, collectively. It does seem to be a kind of a super-organism behavior that isn't very well understood, which is why I find it fascinating.

This is something I've always struggled with. I grew up in a part of the world where you just don't make eye contact. Ever. Spent many years in and around colleges where folks were the opposite - very heavy on eye contact. And so I adapted. Moved back home after college and suddenly I was "too creepy" for everyone, even my family.

Feels like much less of an issue since I moved to Texas, where folks in the smaller towns are far more on the German side of things anyway, and folks in the cities are the usual everything all at once. Only really noticeable whenever I go back home to visit. I guess now I'll always be a bit too alien for them.

Where is home for you?

West Virginia, specifically Charleston. The general lack of eye contact was more pronounced in remote groups and less prevalent in Charleston proper, and I really never noticed until I spent time up in Morgantown at the university. Seems far more common in the deeper southern coal fields and almost non-existent in the north. Presumably this has to do with immigration waves and when parts of the state were settled (or when the industrial owners brought in large numbers scab labor), but I've never seen a study on it.