That would leave us at an impasse (he said / she said), unless we get more nuanced. So let's.
It sounds like some of your frustration is at some DBAs you knew. Firstly I've never worked with a DBA, I'm just a senior software engineer / DevOps and to me that includes an intimate knowledge of SQL perfomance, so maybe this is why I don't mind an in-database approach.
I'm fairly sure that whatever SQL Alchemy could do with a monstrously complex data-relationship views can do with better performance (the further the abstraction gets from the engine the less performance optimization it can do).
Now maybe you agree with that, and see ORMs as a tool for the kind of job where the dev is locked out of the database. If so then I can't really disagree as I haven't worked at such places much at all.