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Aside from all the bitterness about ports, touch-bars, lock-in, blah-blah, I have a sincere question. Does anybody know a comparably DURABLE competitor?

I have 99% confidence I could knock my macbook air off my bed (while on) 100 times in a row with 0 consequences. I've never had a key come off, had the screen flicker, had a battery problem, had an overheat.

I'd be curious if anybody thinks there's any other laptop comparably reliable.

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I'm not sure about this anymore, my 2016 MBP has gotten some gnarly body dents all over it and it lives in my backpack and on my work desk. I've never actually dropped it. The 2016+'s seem incredibly soft.

You're likely talking about the internals which on mine seem ok. Except my right speaker makes crackle sounds 100% of the time. It's so distracting that the few times I've brought it on trips and used it to watch movies I've gone out of my way to find speakers and an aux cable.

My 2015 definitely seemed like a work horse.

>> The 2016+'s seem incredibly soft.

I had a 2016 13" Pro fall off the arm of a couch, in a zippered soft case, and then rivet that attaches the handle to the soft case impacted the side of the laptop near the ports on the side, it looked like a rat gnawed on it.

That's what I get for using the same (otherwise great) STM case since my Core 2 Duo MacBook Pro

One of my speakers also has issues (not cracking in my case, more like weird resonance) so until I have time to take it in to Apple, my workaround is to pan the sound over to the good side, in Sound Preferences. Not ideal but works okay for watching movies etc.

ThinkPads have a good reputation in that regard.

Beyond that there are rugged PCs like Toughbooks. You can literally throw them through the window and they won't mind (we actually tested that). You probably don't need that though. These things are heavy, expensive, and generally underspecced.

Panasonic Toughbooks. Many of them are certified under milspec standards for durability. Drop it off your bed? You can drop safely drop several of them from the top of a telephone pole.

Also see the Panasonic Let's Note series, though I have not experienced any of the post-2013 (or so) models. Very light weight, extremely durable (not as durable as official Toughbooks). Feels a little cheap at first (too light weight?). I used to regularly prop a T5 on the floor against the counter as a make-shift step ladder.

A caveat: Let's Note machines are user hostile if you are the sort of person who likes opening up & doing your own repairs. I barely get over it for Let's Note.

ThinkPads tends to be pretty solid. When they fall, it's not uncommon there's a dent in a wooden floor, but no scratch on the laptop itself...

Dropped my x230t down a flight of stairs...slammed into the wall at the bottom...only damage was a very slight expansion in the seam of the external battery. Still in amazing shape using the same battery almost 5 years since the drop. Great little laptop!

Thinkpads.