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What a loaded article.

Obviously "clear" and "direct" are both positive-spin words, indicating that the author thinks there's some value to this.

As somebody who used to be incredibly blunt, and still is much blunter than average, I'll tell you that social graces, white lies, and indirectness usually serve purposes. The only time you need to be more direct is when people don't understand what you're saying (which actually happens a fair amount in business).

Take for example the PIP (performance improvement plan). On the one hand, the name of it is so whitewashed you could worry the meaning might be lost. However, renaming it to the blunt title "were-probably-about-to-fire-you-documentation", though refreshingly direct, would probably be a tough pill to swallow for a lot of people.

Does changing the words around it lessen the pain (in the long term)? Unclear, maybe it just spreads it out, maybe it makes it more shameful, because it indicates it's too severe to be addressed directly.

3 comments

I'm Dutch. I used to believe, like Dutch people tell themselves, that we are direct and honest. Then I met some foreigners, who said we are just blunt, which of course I could only take as evidence for the fact that not everywhere honesty is valued. Then I moved abroad, learned a lot, among which that indeed the Dutch are mostly just blunt. I try my best to me direct and also the most friendly self I can be, these are not at all at odds and when they seem that way you're probably just ones of those people who mixes up direct and bluntness. Being dirdctthe friednly way works better (positive attitude is infectious), feels better, is better.

Most people proud of their directness are simply blunt ogres and proud of that, in my experience. Took me a while to discover that I can do better.

Could you explain what is the difference between being direct and being blunt?

Blunt is somewhere between direct and bullish. When you're a bit too eager to be direct, a bit too happy to give someone your unsalted opinion, like to step on or over peoples comfort zones perhaps a bit too much, a bit too proud of yourself for not being sensitive at all.

It can be subtle, it can be clear as day, but the pattern is 'I'm telling it like it is' attitude without considering anything else. Turns our you very often can consider something else while being direct.

Thank you for the reply.

Don't change! I somehow find every Dutch person I meet to be hilarious

Not sure if that is a compliment or an insult ;)

There is also that situation where "clear" and "direct" people use their clear directness exclusively to convey negative information.

It is perfectly possible to be clear and direct while praising someone or thanking someone. Or apologizing to someone. Or asking for help, refusing help or providing help.

And clear and direct criticism is also taken more positively when done by people who dont use "direct" as excuse to unleash all their anger and frustratin on someone.

I agree with this view. The statement "you are not that smart" is true and blunt in the case of everyone without exception, but it is useless. A gentle feedback sugarcoating some of the flaws might help the listener.

"You are not smart" is an insult. "Your plan will never work because of X, Y, Z." is direct/blunt. "I'd suggest you make changes X, Y, Z to the plan, because I don't think your plan will work as it stands right now." is maybe a bit more sugarcoated. The last example is more tentative, less authoritative, and hinges on the person being receptive to your input.

How is telling someone exactly what to do less authoritative?

It is a suggestion, not a prescription. If the person doesn't like it, they can come up with other techniques.

It's generally not helpful to say "Your plan won't work because of A, B and C" and then leave it at that. Are you trying to find problems or to help?

Don't get trapped into thinking that pointing problems is helping. It's good in school when you're a teacher, but almost nowhere else.

I'm 4 days late to this party, but as a teacher, it's not good there either :-)