I'm childfree so I'm on the leanFIRE track, pursuing my hobbies in my spare time. When I'm physically incapable of them or I run out of money (around 70), I plan to kill myself.
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Congrats on some successes. I hope you continue to find things that bring joy.
But please don't harm yourself or anyone -- not now, not later.
I have learned for myself that life has purpose and is worthwhile, even when one can't move without pain and it is hard to maintain good thoughts -- such things can be learning experiences that help us move forward later, into the next life, when we will still be ourselves and can take with us the things we have learned and become (on the inside). It is so very worthwhile. I have commented more elsewhere in this discussion.
(edit: s/now/not/ )
I don't know. If I sit down with my back straight and close my eyes, I can, in the space of 3-5 minutes, infallibly find the inner joy rising up from my body. Same way that something's kinda tense, and something's kinda sat on – there is a form of joy.
I hear it is never lost, lest you're actually dead or in the process of.
So I don't know about that.
Good for you. I wish I could do that, just will myself to be happy at any time. I wish alcoholics or drug addicts could will themselves to stop using drugs. I wish the obese (40% of Americans) could simply choose to eat less food and start exercising. If we could all choose to be happy regardless of circumstances, there would be no problems in the world.
I wish that for you too.
I've been struggling with "neurosis-based" depression all my life. They still don't have a cure for that. You know what the medical consensus is? Breathe.
That appeared in 2015.
And I have myself discovered Wim Hoff independently of medical science the year before. That got me started.
Maybe it could get you started too.
<3