His thesis is that autistic people are unfairly characterized as not being able to admit when they wrong… and then he proceeds to explain that he’s almost never wrong.
back
1 comments
I don't understand why so many people are saying this. The article specifically says at the begging:
"When these conflicts arise, here are some things that might be happening"
SOME and MIGHT are being completely ignored and replaced with absolutes by many commenters. At no point does it claim to be an exhaustive list of every possible single interaction, nor does it say that there are no other explanations.
If anything, these kinds of reactions are proving the point that the Autistic are being misinterpreted (or in this case completely misrepresented).
Most commenters are saying this based on the conclusion the author ends with. The lines that stood out to me is "I don't care much for saying false things to appease someone's ego. In cases like this, I'm not the one who can't acknowledge being wrong." They decided that everyone around them needs to change.
Reread that sentence again, just a little more slowly. If you need to say something false to protect someone's ego, then the person whose ego is in need of protecting is the one who is wrong, and can't acknowledge it without undue risk to their ego. That's a statement of fact, not a command.
Refusing to change is not the same thing as demanding others change. If you can't live in a world where someone does not change their behavior to protect your ego, that's a you problem.
1. that isn't the conclusion the author ends with. That quote is addressing example #4. The overall conclusion is under the header "Conclusion"
2. That quote also is not saying "everyone needs to change". It's says they are not going to lie about being wrong just because someone else knows less than them (see the title of example #4). Why should anyone be expected to do this? Why should experts in their field pretend to not know something because of the ignorance of someone else? What does that get us?
Thank you! I have indeed tried as best as I could to not prescribe anything, and just present them as “these things have happened, they have not gone well, I think I tried pretty hard, here’s what I think might have been happening”.
If anything, I admit I am wrong daily (if not hourly), and I pretty much never blame anybody, because I don’t really understand what that means anyway. Someone could have done something better, sure, but who and how? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.
I appreciate how much patience you've had in these comments. There are so many uncharitable and dismissive responses from people who clearly are not interested in understanding your perspective. I appreciate you sharing so much. I think it's really important we have more people providing these viewpoints. You communicated what (I believe) you intended to very effectively and sometimes you will still be misunderstood (and misrepresented) but IMO it's important you keep expressing your experiences. Thanks for the insightful read!
Thank you, this means a lot. I don't really take these uncharitable comments as dismissive, instead it's a good sounding board to see what different things I could try to do differently.
The real value I hope is that it resonates with people and it makes them feel less alone / allows them to reframe past interactions. A trait I have heard about often in autistic communities is how hard it is to let go of something if you can't explain it. That is definitely very true of myself. Being able to contextualize and reframe a problem from incomprehension to "here is a path forward" is so helpful.
The fact that so many comments here are evidence of a "problem" thus is a great opportunity in disguise.
> instead it's a good sounding board to see what different things I could try to do differently.
> The fact that so many comments here are evidence of a "problem" thus is a great opportunity in disguise.
This is the kind of self-reflection and maturity which makes the comments about you actually not able to admit when your wrong so much more absurd
> A trait I have heard about often in autistic communities is how hard it is to let go of something if you can't explain it. That is definitely very true of myself.
Seems to track with my experience as my wife is on the spectrum. She can find it hard to have someone not understand her or some truth about reality and she feels a strong desire to keep engaging until they do. Can be both a blessing or a curse - the latter moreso when she doesn't realize she is dealing with someone who is bad faith - but she is getting better at recognizing that.
Reading your comments I understand better now where you're coming from. My suggestion is maybe look into the best way to respectfully disagree with someone. I am not implying or suggesting you don't, I am just thinking of new approaches to this situation. I know most of us want to avoid conflict at all costs, but being able to debate without becoming frustrated and affected is a skill as well. I am unsure if it's necessary, but I can't think of another direction you could go.