"So here we are. I’m sitting here, with a cigarette in hand (I said slowly), pondering what makes me tick. It’s a weird feeling. You think you know yourself, but the truth is that people lie about how they feel so often that they end up lying to themselves without realizing it. And, maybe, that’s what happened to me. Maybe I’ve been kidding myself all along"

You have been lying to yourself and you are living in denial. That cigarette is killing you. Your health is _everything_, why put it at risk.