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Because it's free as in beer, and it's not intimidating or filled with Flash like some of the others (the "good enough" design derided by web design snobs).

But it's still a dating site, and even the best, most functional dating sites aren't very good. A friend of mine signed up at plentyoffish, he lives in an urban area and is reasonably attractive.

What he found was a lot of women who like to chat and email, but don't want (or can't) go out on actual dates.

Dating is a lot like teaching. Those who can, do. Those who can't habituate dating sites.

2 comments

There is a certain socioeconomic scale to the people that populate certain sites and plentyoffish is not at the top of that scale.

Tell your friend to try OKCupid, Craigslist, or one of those sites that cost actual money. He can probably afford the $20/month. It's cheaper than hip-hop dance class.

But the hip hop class is more fun, and eventually you've gained a new skill. Also, this never happens on the internet:

"Tough west African refugee with poor english and a great smile seeks geeky physics student. Lets go for a bike ride, listen to metallica and teach each other new recipes."

Ouch. Those who can, do. Those who understand, teach.

Teaching is a skill on its own, it's orthogonal. I've read, and believe through my own intuition/experience, that being a "true expert" in most things is often such an intuitive place to be that it cannot be translated mechanically in that person's mind into steps for teaching it.

It's arrived at after years and years of "doing" and growing past internal boundaries and goals.

One thing you can be a "true expert" at is teaching itself.

Teaching relies on two things, primarily, beyond domain knowledge: making connections, and empathy. A great teacher understands not just the topic, but how it relates to other topics. Furthermore, a great teacher also has the ability to probe the person being taught to discover which connections are missing. Finally, of course, the connections have to be communicated, but communication skills are the least important. (If you don't have domain knowledge, if you can't make connections, and you can't get inside the head of the "student," you can't teach. If you can do all of those things, but you struggle with communication, you can eventually get your point across if you are determined).

It's the ability to make connections that we mostly associate with "understanding."

I'm suspicious of "true experts" who can't explain themselves. I think what a lot of people witness are people with deep domain knowledge ("experts") who just don't bother to make the connections. In my view, making the connections is a large part of being an expert.

Here's something just out--I doubt it would interest the community at large, but I thought you might enjoy it.

http://www.quickanded.com/2008/12/gladwell-kane-theory-of-te...