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> I personally couldn’t do it… I prefer loud noises and bright lights

How old are you?

You don’t have to answer, but I’m guessing you’re probably not past 45.

At some point, you start to prefer quiet.

I haven’t lived in a really large city, but have been around noise enough that I’m hoping our next move will distance us from neighbors and highway noise.

And yes, maybe we’ll have a farm animal or two.

4 comments

I grew up all my life in a major city. The quiet and tranquility of a small town freak me out. For somebody who’s never lived in a city, you’re making quite a few assumptions.

As somebody who lives in a multi-million city, every second person I talk to wants to move to the country, and it definitely much stronger tendency after around 30-35+.

It doesn't matter if the parent's assumptions are "quite a few" or don't match you, what matters is if they match a big segment of the population to be statistically useful. There are always outliers who love to grow old in a big city and have their ashes scaterred in the middle of Manhattan.

The only set we should really be listening to are people who both:

   - Lived in a big city
   - Lived in a rural community

Otherwise, everyone always thinks the grass is greener, absent experience with the alternative.

Or as I heard it quipped -- you don't love something for it's best bits; you love it because you can tolerate its worst bits.

I've lived (not just visited, but spent at least a year) in places as small as Nome, Alaska and as large as Atlanta, SF, Dallas, and Las Vegas. I just moved from rural MA to rural NY (from one small college town to another).

Growing up I yearned with a passion to live in a big city, but having lived a quite a few, I'm much less enamored with city life, at least in the US. Traffic sucks and often where you want to go is spread out geographically, so you're forced to deal with traffic. I also hate that there is so little greenery, except in a handful of places that are super expensive to afford to live near.

That said, cities do offer quite a few positives. Way more things to do and more people to meet.

I think many European cities seem better designed for foot traffic and bikes, with more nature interspersed, than US cities. Having only visited Europe, I feel like I'd much prefer to live in a European style city than many of the major US cities. Then again, since I didn't live in Europe it could be that many of the places I want to go to on a regular basis (like a climbing gym) are in out of the way places. Obviously not all European cities are the ideal (really hated the hustle and bustle in Rome for example), but many more cities I've visited there seem like nice places to live (I even fantasized about moving to Copenhagen for a while).

Well, that's me: my wife and I left Seattle a few years ago, moved to a very small town in a very rural area, spent about a year and a half there, then gave it up and came back. Country life was lonely and boring; we are much happier in the city.

>Otherwise, everyone always thinks the grass is greener, absent experience with the alternative

For our purposes (which in this subthread is determining whether grandparents idea that "45+ prefer more quiet and wish to move to the country" is valid), this distinction doesn't matter - since this is not about whether that group is justified in preferring the country, but whether they prefer it or not.

I care about maximizing people's happiness function.

Whether there are a large number of people who believe in something that's incorrect is immaterial, as is over-counting kvetching without any intent to follow through.

>I care about maximizing people's happiness function.

Good for you. Not on my subthread though :)

Did you actually say "my subthread"?

"The only set we should really be listening to are people who both ..."

I think a dial is preferable to either of the (urban, rural) choices.

I love dense, urban places and I also love quiet, secluded rural places.

In my mind, the ideal living situation allows one to quickly toggle between the two.

This is possible in the Bay Area and is the reason I moved here 15 years ago.

For the purposes of input on the question of living in a big city vs a rural community, yes, but don't forget, there is also the 3rd option of living in suburbia. I hear it's quite popular in America.

Yeah, that's mostly me. I've lived in Massachusetts at multiple locations between Boston and Gardner. I'm now living at the edge of one of the mill cities. It is not far enough from traffic noise, but it is much better than any other place I've lived other than Massachusetts rural.

I've also lived from the deeply blue-collar (father's small business moving machinery) to the tech world. I find myself marketing my consulting business to small to medium-sized blue-collar/manufacturing businesses. Even though their Trumpist attitudes irritate me, I understand their world better than I do that of urban-centric, and their political views do not stop me from taking their money. It makes it easier for me to charge them the rates that I do.

I think the quip is a good one. However, I feel it could be better phrased as, "You need to seek out the best bits to remind you why you tolerate the worst bits."

When I'm having a bad day, and I wonder why I'm putting up the crap in my life, I walk into my yard, look at my garden with cucumbers, beans, cauliflower, and something like 20 tomato plants next to raspberries, blueberries, sour cherry tree, and Apple tree. And if it's a really really bad day, I will go and settle into the hammock and stare at the sky.

When I can finally feel gratitude for the life I have, then I go back and deal with the crap that lets me afford the life I have.

100%

On one of my worst days of dealing with needlessly pedantic and blocking colleagues at a previous job, I sat out in the rain under an umbrella and watched ducks enjoy a pond.

Came back in, my coworker asked me if I was okay, and I just told him "Ducks don't mind when it rains."

It's become my mantra for rough days.

There is so much to be said for nature, and I feel like you can get 80% of the nature benefit by investing 20% time into it.

Why build a yurt, when you can get most of the benefit from a hammock? Why farm commercially, when you can get most of the benefit from a hobby farm?

I think we could be good neighbors.

> every second person I talk to wants to move to the country

Doesn't that possibly reflect your social circle more than a statement about the public at large?

Abstractly yes, but practically not since it's diverse enough

Just to give another data point, I'm settled, have two kids, and almost never hear anybody say that.

But I'll confess, I find people who talk like that a little obnoxious and I'll admit I may self select and avoid those people.

>At some point, you start to prefer quiet.

> I haven’t lived in a really large city, but have been around noise enough that I’m hoping our next move will distance us from neighbors and highway noise.

I feel this, and I'm mid 40s. I keep my eyes open for places to live which are somehow both remote and near decent healthcare options. I don't need the healthcare options now, but I am aware that I am only going to get older and that's something that I'd want.

I do my best to keep my yard full of life and tend to my plants and my gardens, but there's always the noise from the highway a mile or so away. It's less annoying when it's hot out, but the drone bothers me in the winter months.

Same here. I lived in some of the world's largest cities most of my life, and loved the "big city" atmosphere. But in my late 40s it changed and started to crave being out in the countryside, away from people, noise, etc. I now live on the outskirts of a medium size city (in 5 minutes I'm out among orchards and vineyards), but would prefer to be even further out, have an orchard or small farm (though I have no illusions that I could make a living from that)

One uncounted point is frequency of novelty.

Generalizing, I'd say younger people (18-35) are more default-comfortable in novel situations. As we age, people's tolerance for that seems to decrease.

And, on the whole, I'd say that rural life provides less novelty than city life. Or at least novelty within tighter bounds.

I still crave novelty, in that I'm always wanting to discover new things, go new places. But I don't feel the need to be so "busy" as is common in a big city.

Some people do still like city life in their 40s.

Some people do find a more rural life unappealing.