"Dry and flavorless" is exactly how I'd describe traditional American Thanksgiving turkey, in all my years of experience. Yes, for some reason, Americans apparently don't know how to cook it properly, but it is a very, very common thing.
The author should learn how to cook. At one point in European history, eating turkey on Christmas was reserved for only royalty. The Windsors have eaten turkey every Christmas since 1850 for a reason. It is a delicious bird.
[1]https://www.seriouseats.com/the-food-lab-complete-guide-to-s...
(Sadly they don't make that rotisserie anymore, it was very popular among my friends).
But if your turkey is still frozen (today is Thanksgiving), you're going to have to fall back to "thanksgiving pizza". Even defrosting it by running cold water over it in the sink won't get it ready to cook in time.
If turkey was good, we’d eat it more than once a year.
Fried chicken is delicious and you still get to do the whole over-involved preparation of poultry.