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As an immigrant, I definitely agree with the "[Americans] Are Poor At Expressing Gratitude And Affection".

Every single ex-girlfriend has pointed out to me that I am very affectionate, whereas all I was doing was being myself. I guess this is because where I come from (Turkey), people are expected to show their affection and appreciation with lots of touching and hugging. For example, when you run into a friend, you usually kiss each other on both cheeks as a greeting. In the US though, this would be considered aberrant behavior - might even be perceived as "gay" if it's two guy friends. Instead it's either handshake or fist-bump.

Suppressing affection is pretty hard. Often times I find myself with an urge to give people hugs, but refrain from doing so.

4 comments

What it sounds like is not that Americans are worse at expressing affection, but rather express affection in different ways. Fist-bumps, handshakes, high fives, even a head bob is a very obvious way to show someone you recognize their existence and are glad to see them. In America, kissing is not a sign of friendly affection, but a sign of romantic affection. It's a small cultural difference, but the feelings expressed are exactly the same.

Making the claim that Americans are not affectionate because they don't kiss as a friendly greeting is the same as saying the Germans can't communicate just because I can't understand their language. Insisting on speaking English to a non-English-speaking person would be just as rude and out of place as insisting on kissing an American acquaintance.

Rote kissing isn't affection.

No, indeed not, but to someone in whose culture this is not the norm that's how it seems, overly affectionate.

What the OP was saying was that for him, he was acting just normal but people perceived it as very affectionate, and that's exactly the point. He may have not been displaying affection but that's how it got interpreted.

Keep in mind that Turkey is an outlier in this regard, sleeping in the same bed or on a friend's shoulder, kissing, holding hands in the street (though I heard this is changing especially in the cities?). Many peoples are even less affectionate than Americans. I've heard exactly the same complaints from Turks in western europe.

For an enraged camel, you seem rather affectionate.

Also, not all Americans are like that.

I've lived in four different states over the past ten years, and found that most people I have met are indeed like that. The difference becomes especially obvious when I hang out with visitors or other immigrants. European women for example are much more comfortable with holding hands or throwing their arms around my waist when walking down the street, and they do it even when we are just friends. Americans are the opposite: they seem to have "touch-phobia".

It's a barrier thing.

Our public life is less touchy, but when I'm dating someone I am very affectionate.

Different parts of the US have different customs. Some folks are very personal space (myself and a lot of my family) and some are very - well - "huggy" (my brother's in-laws errr).