Item — HN Reader

To be fair, death seems pretty much the same.

That is, it's not the dead that are in pain, it's those left behind.

So, while I agree with you, it doesn't seem much worse than death, especially if the family accept/believe that the Alzheimer's patient is actually not suffering.

For example, if my dad lived long enough and ended up with it, had I been convinced that he actually wasn't suffering, it may be less heartbreaking as his son (but still heartbreaking for my personal loss of the relationship with my Dad, and him not knowing me).

It's hard for me to say, having not had someone super close end up with it -- only more extended family. So those closer/more affected may have other thoughts.

1 comments

> So, while I agree with you, it doesn't seem much worse than death, especially if the family accept/believe that the Alzheimer's patient is actually not suffering.

While I agree that it’s not much different than death, it seems painful to know that family suffers the loss of the same person essentially twice

> it seems painful to know that family suffers the loss of the same person essentially twice

Speaking from second-hand experience -- that is, seeing my father experience the loss of his aunts/grandmother "twice".

One of his aunts was like a mother to him (his mother passed when he was 2, his father when he was 21). I feel that he really only suffered the loss once: when she succumbed to Alzheimer's.

The loss was mostly grieved then, and by the time she passed, he had already grieved. I'm not saying her death wasn't hard. But in a lot of ways, I feel like there was as much relief and peace, as there was suffering from her death. By the time of her death, she had been long gone anyway.

Of course, everyone is different, and every loss/Alzheimer's diagnosis is different. But it seems like you can lose someone you love in a number of ways, and often multiple ways, before their ultimate passing. And each one of those partial losses seem to add up to ~a single loss of mourning/grief, rather than experiencing full grief for each one.

Another example is simply having geographical distance from a loved one. Moving away (or them moving away from you) can result in experiencing (grieving/mourning) a loss. And then once they pass, you've already partially grieved, and the additional grieving is lessened from already having been distanced from them (vs. other loved ones that still live close, and grieve more from having them a part of their lives more frequently).

Again, this is just from my experience/observations from seeing how those close to me have grieved. Others may feel differently.