I've never been to AA, but I'm told it's the cues that get you, and I do admit the memories of beers + guitar hero or other such nonsense from old days is exactly what I want every time I open a beer.
It's like that old rat experiment, where they gave them cocaine or heroine laced water + regular water, and they always preferred the the drugs, until there was a rich social life / environment, at which point they rarely did.
Socializing is powerful stuff if you can find enough time to build up enough trust to just have a heap of fun for a few hours. I swear a side-splitting laugh fest adds years to your life. When is the last time you laughed so hard with friends you couldn't breathe?
Your reaction is a sane and normal one: you remember a good time, and you have some inkling to recreate it. Certainly. And to most people that makes sense. But alcoholics are different from most people, and their understanding that is an essential first step to recovery.
If you are one, though, there's nothing gonna keep you from the drink, except total abstinence, and some kind of structure (AA, NA, Church, Martial Arts, etc.).
I'm a recovering addict (over 45 years), and participate in Fellowship. Gives me tremendous socialization.
It's not really complex, it's like anything else you'd study - mindful, focused practice; pay attention to details; iterate.
2 weeks ago in Oaxaca with some friends. We were at dinner and one (a guy) mentioned the Mormon purity defying practice of soaking which sparked confusion from the other (a girl). So he explained it in Mandarin so the others in the restaurant wouldn’t understand. It’s not a language I speak but watching her face told me everything I needed to know.
Wait, with a budget of €100 000 I could actually get some second-hand old shitty Ferrari. That's... surprisingly affordable. I mean buying this shit right now would be highly irresponsible, but I can see myself potentially buying one in far future.
I just checked Lamborghini Murciélago, the dream sportscar of my childhood, and it goes for like €300 000. Hmmm... that's like, a lot of money for what is basically a toy, but if I really really really wanted that, it would be achievable within my lifetime without completely ruining me financially.
https://suchen.mobile.de/fahrzeuge/details.html?id=432670758...
Look at this shit, it's beautiful. €260 000. Not now and not tomorrow, but totally achievable as a lifetime goal.
What a day to be alive. Having a luxury sportscar is more realistic than having friends. Send immaterial help.
The upside is that I've been suicidal since I was 15 so if Johnny Reaper comes in the form of loneliness cancer I'll have been done a subtle favor.
Also it's just an aside but God isn't real.
The causation is obviously in the other direction: Healthy people socialize more.
Proposing the inverted causation, without even examining the alternative is ridiculous. This is just trash science.
Having a correlational result and using it to pretend that one has to cause the other with absolutely no mechanism is not science, it is reading tea leaves.
A healthy person has more opportunities and more abilities to engage in social activities. The less healthy a person becomes the rarer those opportunities become. Basically every single health condition, especially the most common ones like obesity, make it harder for people to engage in social activity.
The alternative explanation is pretty simple and does not require some magical mechanism whereby social interactions are somehow causing your body to age slower.
The study says social bonds are associated with lower inflammation. It's well documented that inflammation causes anxiety and depression. How does this affect one's social activity? Negatively, the mechanism is very clear - you don't socialize if you are depressed and anxious. And somehow they assume the reverse casual relationship without explaining the mechanism for it.
Over years I lost contact to all the ppl I considered friends.
I dont have time to nurture long distance relationships.
After studies we all moved away 200-300km from each other.
I have a lot of „pals” or „gaming friends”. But those ppl wont show up 4am at night to pick you up from a street fight.
I’m missing „meaningful” connections. Its easy to find ppl who dont care.
I just have absolutely zero friends or interactions with people who aren’t my wife and kids. Haven’t for probably 15 years now. I work remotely and 99% of the people I work with are offshore so very little overlap in work times. So the occasional teams message on a group channel is it. No friends or even acquaintances. I occasionally find myself craving the little notification icon on X to let me know some stranger liked my post. I recognize that this is not optimal.
The gym is essentially my hobby but max interaction is the occasional fist bump or head nod. I spend 90 minutes there 6 days a week.
Its to the point where other people aren’t even real to me anymore, I can go literally months without a real life conversation.
Not complaining but it does worry me from the longevity aspect
The other suggestion is to not worry about who initiates what. I make it a habit of reaching out to people and don’t mind if I am the one doing so the majority of the time. It is so easy, for me at least, to fall into the trap of keeping track to make sure the people “care enough”.
Hope that helps and hopefully my entirely unasked for advice wasn’t inappropriate. Only responding because I am a similar age and struggled with the same.
So not too much of a surprise there.
Edit: still valuable to do research even to confirm whatever seems to follow logically. Not trying to discredit that!
What I suspect is common WRT these studies is lonely people become self-destructive, reaching for stuff like alcohol and/or comfort eating, i.e. harmful substitutes for relationships they miss.
But I don't really have those issues. I can be super content spending most time solitary with regular impersonal interactions at cafes and grocery stores. Just having a modicum of peaceful sharing of space with others tops up my socializing needs, beyond that it's fast into diminishing returns territory.
- extremely introverted person who never developed a dependence on others for self-worth and/or happiness
A simple snapshot assessment and some scoring of an individual's (entire, self-reported!) social life is too simplistic. The measurements would have to be performed throughout the life of each participant with sufficiently high frequency.
So the finding here is that healthy, wealthy people with a support network age just like healthy, wealthy people with a support network.
that's kind of interesting, though very far from the causal claims in the university press release.
Let's look at something else which wasn't controlled for at all: doing physical activities.
People who, for example, run every week or bike every week often do so because they have a group of friends who also does that, and doing such a physical activity also builds friendships better than not doing such activities.
Perhaps exercising is both correlated with health and with building groups of friends.
Or perhaps exercising is correlated with being attractive, and being attractive is correlated with building social connections.
... I guess what I'm trying to say here is that this study shows correlation only, and there are so many confounding factors I consider it pretty tenuous.
"Healthy systemic accumulated damage" is therefore a more honest way to put it, exposing it as completely ridiculous.
Thank goodness that longevity efforts have now become well established biotech and pharma goals around the world.
The few that come to mind are laughter, stress, exercise, and cognitive engagement.
It might be interesting to see if diet changes as a result of social ties as well. We can make an educated guess that stronger social ties means less time eating alone.
Surely it isn't just the social ties themselves.
Obligatory "Correlation doesn't imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively and gesture furtively while mouthing 'look over there'."
Obligatory link https://www.tylervigen.com/spurious-correlations
Gee thanks Science, you see now why people prefer Stupidity over you?