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> The first (and only) thing that immediately came to mind was that I wanted to be a better person: I wanted to be smarter, more successful, and happy.

When I read this, the first thing I thought of is, "Well that's your problem."

To me, based on my experiences and what I've read and observed from other people, many people find the most happiness from focusing less on oneself, and focusing more on others.

What can I do to enhance the life of someone else? What can I do to make a positive impact on others? What can I do to make a difference on the well being of society?

But instead, it seems like the thought of the quoted sentence is focusing more on benefiting oneself -- make me smarter, make me more successful, make me happier.

Don't get me wrong, I'm talking to myself as well, because I often find myself too focused on me. But I feel that when I instead start to focus on having a positive impact on someone else, that's when I start to experience genuine happiness. That's what I feel makes me a better person.

6 comments

It's a little bit of a Catch-22, but focusing on self first definitely improves happiness. About 9 years ago, I had terrible anger issues, over weight and all the stereotypes of the computer dork. One day, after sitting on WoW for 4 hours waiting to buy Arena points, I thought "What am I doing with myself?" and shifted gears to working out.

That moment of selfishness, is what helped pull me out of whatever rut I was in. 8 years later, I have a black belt in one martial art, a blue in a second, and I'm offering nutritional tips to friends and family.

Happiness doesn't have to be volunteering at the soup kitchen every week, but the general "Don't be a dick to anyone" can really boost your mood. I'm not saying be a doormat, stand your ground, but don't be a dick about it either.

> About 9 years ago [...] after sitting on WoW for 4 hours waiting to buy Arena points

I don't doubt your story, but your timeline is off. Arena was introduced with BC, which was Jan 2007 -- 6 years ago, not 9. It would have been impossible to buy arena points 9 years ago because they didn't exist.

That aside, I don't see that as selfishness, just introspection. If selfishness is doing something for your own benefit, then you did an unselfish thing. You made the lives of everyone around you better, and contributed more to your family and society. That isn't selfish!

You're right, my math was way off, thanks for catching that. It was still Arena points, cause I remember quitting the next day.

Yeah, I think my original point got lost. I certainly agree that you have to work things out within yourself before you can start to focus on others.

The main point of my post was a reaction to the point I quoted. Based on that quote, it sounded like the OP was focusing on parts of self that may not result in happiness or becoming a better, positive person -- success and intelligence.

I know many people that are successful and intelligent, but aren't happy or positive -- at all.

> What can I do to have a real impact on the well being of society?

From my own experience, it is infinitely easier to make me better than to discover what I can do for society. I'd love to make products that help society, but damn it that's hard. Maybe if I just focus on myself I can make me happy.

So far it's worked. I'm still looking for something I can do to help society. Until then, I'm working on things that help me level up to a point where I can execute on grand ideas.

But not even in the scope of society. I agree, that's hard, and if you can pull it off, you will reap great rewards.

But I'm also talking about being a positive influence on others around you. To your friends, coworkers, family, significant other, etc. These are the people we can feasibly impact. Truly think about and focus on these relationships, and be a "better" person for the benefit of these people.

Just curious - why not jump on the grand ideas now? (I would assume the usual reasons.. financial, time, etc.)

Reach. And to an extent money.

Money is easy-ish to get, but reach takes time to build.

MOst importantly though, I don't have any ideas I would consider good. Or possibly ideas I would consider myself able to carry out. Probably both.

Maybe try the altucher approach: http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2011/02/how-to-be-the-luckiest-... Basically he picks random topics and writes lots of ideas about them every day in order to train his mind to think in that way.

True, but for car to move ahead - engine needs to be cleaned first of inner garbage (eliminating emotional pain and replacing negativity with positive personal attitude).

Once engine is clean - the car can move. Forward (aiming to help others) or backwards (trying to please oneself which cause accumulation of inner garbage again).

Oh yeah, I definitely agree with that.

But to me, personal "maintenance" has more to do with introspecting on things are stopping you from moving forward as a person.

Intelligence and success, I think these aren't part of that maintenance. For example, I can think of many people that aren't profoundly intelligent and/or successful, but have a great impact on others, even society, and thus are very happy, positive people.

I agree but for that to work "others" need to be people that you believe need/deserve whatever it is you are doing.

That is hard to do if you actively dislike the company you work for.

"...many people find the most happiness from focusing less on oneself, and focusing more on others."

My experience confirms this...

Reference: Wittgenstein, Tractatus 6.43, and below.

http://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/5740

and some quotes

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Ludwig_Wittgenstein

Focusing on others is great, if it gives you purpose and it's of your own volition (of course most people will preach to you to be selfless - your selflessness might indirectly benefit them...).