back

by wglb·17y ago·view on hn ↗
I have used this technique in the past and call it Diversionary Therapy.
1 comments
I have a tendency to dwell on a negative situation, which I've learned, quite painfully, is possibly the worst thing to do. So whenever something comes along that wipes me off my feet, I decide to pickup a new skill/hobby and focus on that as much as possible. I find it gives me something else to talk about when I'm with friends, instead of rehashing the "woe is me, life sucks" tale of the times. Because the experience is new, there are always things to look forward to. When my first serious relationship ended, I decided to become a racing fan and memorized all there was to know about various racing series. I've also become a gym nut, learned how to shave with a straight razor (and maintain them), become an expert at various video games, etc.

Unfortunately this past week I got into a stupid fight with a girl I'm in an "it's complicated" sort of relationship with. Or actually, she's angry at me and I don't think she should be. I've been using HN as a form of "diversionary therapy" the past several days :)

Empathy/Pride swallowing helps too. Not saying you're wrong... just saying that in the end it doesn't really matter. You can still find a way to agree.

Good luck.

It does. I swallowed my pride and extended an olive branch before this issue began as I sensed something was wrong. She said everything was okay. Then the next week she phoned me at work, after I'd invited her out to a movie, and she unloaded on me. Apparently wanting to do stuff with her meant I was not respecting "boundaries" (FYI nothing shady going on like an affair or anything of the sort). Totally ruined the rest of my week. I suspect this is her way of pushing me away and telling me she doesn't want a relationship, but c'mon we're adults. Just come out and tell me.

If I were a couple of years younger, I'd have defended my position when she phoned. Instead, I bit my tongue, only replied with "okay" and decided to respect her wishes by cutting off contact for a while. We share a hobby so it'll be interesting to see if she shows up this week.

I've been really bummed out by the situation. I'm not old, but I'm too old for this sort of crap. I thought we had a good thing going, so much so that I didn't follow up on a few opportunities with a couple of other girls that I was attracted to who showed interest.