These rants really seem to be based on the degree of respect some languages are enjoying in a certain community. Take weak typing / type coercion for an example: This is a common feature of scripting languages of the time, e.g.: Perl. I never read Perl being complained on for the same issue, which might well be, because it is a "serious" system language and because you might have to "really" learn it for any advanced use. (Even the boolean testing of int return types in Unix and C could be considered as some kind of premature type coercion.)
Late binding is probably most powerful feature of the language. (The language is built around it.) If it doesn't go with your test suites, considering that both the language and the language the tests are built with are Turing complete, adapt the tests rather than the language. This is a bit like ranting on C not being Logo and for it having other output facilities than a turtle.
Why not just develop in JS -- read: think JS --, for a change?