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by zorked·11y ago·view on hn ↗
1) Ignore people's opinions

2) Parenting is not a competition against other parents

3) Literally tens of billions of people on this planet have had children. It can't be that hard. And it's not

4) Spend as much time as you can with your child: not only now, but for as long as both of you are alive. Be there

2 comments
Yes, good advices. I'll add this most important one: don't believe you owe your kids your life. Continue to see friends and get drunk if it's something you do now. If you can't bear stupid cartoons or books (and who does?) just don't buy them, you'll find something to do together that both of you like to do (kids mostly like to be with their parents so anything but watching horror movies will do in fact). I spend a lot time with my two kids, we do things I like and they like it, this includes Lego, reading Tintin, camping, doing huts in the forests, etc.

But never think you should become a slave of your kid, or otherwise sacrifice anything to them, this is a way too heavy burden on THEIR shoulders.

Don't sacrifice anything for your children? I spend crazy amounts of money on diapers and food and clubs and such for my kids. I take them for walks or to the playground, sometimes when I'd rather be doing something on my own. I go to bed earlier than I would so I can wake up with my boy and eat breakfast together.

Having children is sacrifice. It's constant sacrifice, and it's as hard as it is great. Anyone who says it's not is either lying or his a horrible parent. And I'm not getting the sense that it's much of a burden on my kids' shoulders.

I also don't get drunk anymore. In my opinion it would be horribly irresponsible for me to do so. If you have kids and you insist on getting drunk, please arrange ahead of time to sleep somewhere else. When I'm around my kids I try my best to be aware and capable of making good decisions.

This. Haven't been drunk since 1998. Haven't had a night out since 2006 and we came home after two hours because we were bored. Haven't missed it either. I'd rather be with them and my wife.

I'm the first person up in the morning and the last to bed and I wouldn't swap it for anything.

By getting drunk I didn't mean getting drunk at noon with kids around, I did mean go out with friends in the bar sometimes. And if you sacrifice your life to your kids you're putting a potential culpability on their shoulders, and you will be disappointed later, when they go on with their lives, which will rarely be the way you expect.

I don't mean that having kids do not change the life, it does. But if the country you leave in forces you to spend all your time and money on kids to let them have a decent health and education, then your country does it very very wrong.

Culpability? I might blame my kids in the future for the most amazing thing to have ever happened to me? I don't think you get it. I didn't get stuck with my kids. I'm grateful for every second. I understand drinking for fun, trust me, I've been there. It's a selfishness that's not compatible with my current mission.
Raising kids is no special incredibly demanding mission, it's the normal thing people do in their adult life. It includes some responsibilities but no sacrifice. Becoming parent is not like entering the cloitre to become a monk for life.

I think most of children and parent issues nowadays come from this kind of way too deep dedication you and others display in these comments

Couldn't have said it better myself. Exact same thing for me.

I have three small kids. I have no time for myself. All my money is going towards the kids. I haven't been to the movies in years (other than Frozen and other Disney Industrial Complex productions...those don't count). Vacations...I better just leave it unsaid.

I wouldn't change anything, but yes, it is a sacrifice.

> tens of billions

Guesstimated at 100-115 billion, even.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_population#Number_of_hum...